The forest for the trees

missing-theforests

I haven’t always been a control freak.  I think our daughter has brought that fun attribute to the surface front and center.  When you are constantly holding in the back of your thoughts the tagline of ” what next health issue is going to try and take our daughter out”…you tend to lean towards the side of wanting to know all the specifics.  The ins the outs the why’s and they wherefore’s as my mom would say.  We do joke ( because humor is my husband and my defense mechanism in this journey with her ) that she is just like a cockroach ….no matter what new organ,  body malady or deficiency tries to take her out she just keeps springing back to life,  thankfully! 😂

But, once again I digress.  Recently when I knew that it was my time to leave my job, people kept asking me…what are you going to do next….are you going back to work…where are you going to work…why would you quit…and on and on.  It’s super fun when people bombard you with questions about your future when you yourself have no clue about your future and you are a control freak 😂😂

I didn’t know what the next course of action was for me.  But I knew that I could trust that still small voice giving me the okay to leave.  The last Sunday I worked, one of my pastors even said in his sermon ” you stay until God tells you its time to leave and then you leave”.  My husband and I both looked at each other in shock and kind of a little bit of eeriness 😳😳….Had our pastor been reading our personal thoughts 😂😂

Having had almost 2 months know to just be able to reflect and try to see what God is up to I realize I have missed the forest for the trees.  I think most of us can when we are thick into a situation.  You see,  now I don’t actually feel that the job itself was what God had me there for.  I think it was a couple of relationships He knew would be needed in my life to carry not only me but our family further down the road with Him.  I just marvel now at how I always seem to forget the part where God is the God of details.  And how gracious of Him to speak one of my love languages to me time and time again.  Why is it afters years that I keep forgetting He is in the details.  Why do I always think there has to be a ” next or a answer to why ”   It’s like hearing Him say to me as he did to Peter, I believe,  ” oh you of little faith..why did you doubt me”…..You see I went into that job having all MY plans and ideas of how this was going to play out.  The things I would succeed at..the direction it would take my life…I think God must have been sitting watching and laughing saying ” oh that is so precious sweetie….but as far as I can tell you still aren’t the I AM. ” 😂   I am so thankful He is so patient and lets me run off on my tangents and then slowly but surely reels me back in.  He was answering prayers I had been praying for years now, literally 15 since we moved here.  Thats the grand part of getting older…you can start to see how all the pieces of confusion and chaos are starting to line up…and what a beautiful tapestry it is making.  I am thankful for my blip on the radar of going back to the ” paying” world….it set our family up for eternal dividends that no amount of money could buy….  Prayers being answered

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