recently a friend of mine has been having to walk a hard road in relationships. someone she has tried earnestly to love and show love to has not returned in like kind. it is a hard road because there once was a real and true friendship and now the painful realization that it wasn’t as it seemed. as my mom says ” if you can count on one hand your true friends in life you are truly blessed” ….the ache comes when you thought they were a true friend. what then…and what about family…aren’t they always supposed to love you…..hard life lessons
it wasn’t until I was at least 40 that I finally started to understand these hard life lessons in the area of relationships. one of my favorite bloggers turned author wrote it on instagram one day …..when people show you that they are incapable of liking you or loving you respect their choice. that is a hard thing for me to do, or was. there have been several in my immediate circles who I have tried for years when I was younger to win their approval, be someone of value in their life, and try as I may, nothing…but then I started putting into practice her words ” respect their choices”…. you see what I realized was it really wasn’t about me…I had to be willing to respect the other persons choice. it was extremely freeing when I finally decided to start laying it down, it finally occurred to me that love be it in family or friends can’t be one-sided ….you can’t keep beating yourself against a closed door and expect it to open. and so as my author friend wrote…I have learned to ” respect peoples choices and allow them right to not care ” and walk away.
the freeing part of it all is what once used to crush me is now a moot point …. I no longer need to try and force my way into a place I was never wanted to begin with. what a gift….the gift of letting go, turning the page, wishing them nothing but the best, but writing new stories with those that choose you, there is no greater feeling.
all these thoughts have come back to mind as I have tried to encourage my friend these past few months to realize her value and that sometimes the kindest thing you can do for another human being is “respect their choice” and in turn be kind to yourself by letting go. just because they are family or friends doesn’t guarantee they will love you or for that matter even like you but it is their choice, you can not change someone’s mind…and that my friends is okay.