Even in the here and now

I think instinctively in every male is a deep abiding trait that feels a sense of wanting to be the protector.

I know this is true in our son. As much as he and his sister have normal sibling disgust for each other, at their core they immensely love and jointly want to protect each other.

This feeling is compounded in our son. At 9 years old as his sister lay dying in the hospital for 29 days. He was flip flopped around from homes to homes seeing either my husband or I every other day for only hours at a time for weeks on end. Then for her to come out a shining miracle, that journey is seared in his heart.

Last night on the way to take him to a friends house for a celebration he said ” so she has two surgeries on Monday” .. yes I said , ” you could hear in his voice the worry… ” she’s had too many surgeries in her lifetime..” to which I replied ” she has certainly had a lot ” and then a gift was given to this momma’s heart because I realized how much Jesus had taught all of us in this journey with our daughter …

He said ” but, there are some kids and moms and dads who never get to go home who have it so much worse being confined to beds ” and I said ” yes, son that is so true”

In that moment I took such comfort in knowing our son knows what it is to be grateful in all things. I sat in awe after I dropped him off in a Jesus who would let us walk this journey as a family and hand us the gift of heartache and uncertainty to show us His divine love. On our own as parents ( my husband and I ) could have never taught our son the magnitude of being grateful for how blessed you are even when from an outsiders view our circumstances don’t seem like one of blessing.

He knows even as he jokes and to me sounds irreverent when he says ” my bro Jesus” he truly does know that Jesus loves him and loves his sister. At such a young age he realizes that Jesus doesn’t send the awful to punish you. Awful comes because life is not just one glorious moment after the next.

But when you know that where you place your focus there your heart will go also. It makes all the difference in the world.

Our son is the first to start sending texts asking people who don’t even believe in Jesus to pray for his sister.

I am so eternally grateful for a Jesus who entrusted this journey to our family. Each one of us would tell you we are exponentially blessed by the hard things we have been handed. They have made us reliant on a Savior who left all the glories of Heaven put on human skin just so he could empathize with all the heartache and uncertainty and say ” I see you, I understand what you are going through and one day you will understand all the glories I handed to you in hard packages “.

I’m thankful that every now and then I understand even in the here and now.

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