Shards of brokeness

stained-glass-windows

Behold, I am doing a new thing;
  Isa 43:19

I recently had the privelidge of hearing a remarkable speaker.  Her autheniticity and willingness to be so vulnerable struck to the very core of me.  Pieces of her talk paralled many aspects of my life.  She had always been a work hard, success driven, career oriented person.  Her daughter was the turning point in getting her involved in a church.  And the main point being God had taken her on a journey of humbling, tearing her down to then build her back up and give her back double for all she had thought she had lost.  As i sat there in complete awe of her transperancy I just thanked God for allowing her to speak into my life.   Her story just add one more piece of stain glass to the mosiac He is remaking of my life.

I wanted desperately to thank this lady for her willingness to be so candid and open and share the pieces of her journey.  I aquired her email and sent her the follwoing:

I wanted to ” Thank You” so much for speaking at our gathering today.  I was in the audience and so moved by how authentic your testimony was.  When people are vulnerable, I believe that is the greatest gift Jesus gives any of us.  We have had many meetings but yours struck me to the core.  If you had not allowed yourself to be so transparent all of us would have missed out on such a gift.  
I could relate to many parts of your story.  My son is the one who finally convinced his dad to attend church.   Our current church is the  first church my husband has attended in the 25 years we have been together.  It is without question that Jesus uses our kids to bring us to Him.  
But to back up and give you context.  I was quite the career driven girl.  I graduated in a male dominated field of Architecture.  To say I was arrogant when I left would be an understatement.  I was fully convinced of my abilities and was out to go to the top , make money, marry my college sweetheart and be the iconic picture of success.  
God in His infinite wisdom slowly but surely took me on a path of humbling.  First off, I graduated the quarter that CADD came out.  I could draw a house by hand but CADD was introduced to me my thesis year in the last quarter.  Needless to say I was not proficient in it.  I was rejected by 27 firms before finally landing a role.  I saved those rejection letters for years.  As a reminder and eventually a badge of honor.  
Fast forward our first child was born, a son.  He was perfect!  A beautiful baby boy to carry on the family name, all was right in the world. 
Fast forward 5 years, after deciding we were done with having children I got pregnant and more refining was in the works.  
At 20 weeks we found out our daughter would be born with down syndrome.  To say we were devastated would be an understatement.  We went from ” daddy can’t wait to meet his princess” to my husband telling me ” we needed to abort this child and that I was going to ruin our marriage and I was choosing this child over him” .  He grabbed his keys and left.  
I can remember one night specifically i kept crying out to Jesus saying ” God please let her be born perfect” …and clear as a bell ( not audibly but in my spirit ) i could feel Jesus say ” She is perfect, I need to work on you”
She is now 10.  When I tell you, my family, myself and this “brutiful” ( beautiful /brutal) journey has been the most humbling and most profound experience ….I can not express how much I have realized the goodness of God in this process.  I wouldn’t recommend it 😉 . Learning the hard way, but I am so thankful for the hard way.  The rough edges are becoming God’s greatest moments in my life.  My daughter has shown my husband, our son, and myself  the love and power of Jesus in ways we would have missed Him.  
So, I am sorry this is such a long email.  I tried to do the “cliff notes” version but I get caught up in how faithful He has been. 
So your message was so powerful to me!!  And i literally just wanted to thank you so much for your bravery to be so transparent and tell others about how good God has been to you! 
And now this AR career woman, is a 46 year old intern in ” ministry” ….who could have seen that one 🙂 
Thank you, you will never know how much Jesus said to me through you! 
Then, here is what I realized as I looked over the pieces of this whole winding journey.  Our journey reminded me of Stain Glass windows.  People travel great distances to see the remarkable works of Stain Glass, and why is that?  They are infact just broken shards of glass, what is it that makes them so special and propel people to stand, gaze and catch their breath in awe.  It is infact because some Master Designer saw all the broken random pieces and instead of sweeping them up and throwing them away, knew something grand could come of those shards in the right hands.  Each piece chosen carefully, each one laid in just the right spot –  what had once been destroyed has now been put back together and the outcome is etheral beauty.  People go to great lengths to have just a momnet to stand in the presence of these masterpieces.  Maybe that is why God allows us to be shattered and broken in our lives because He can see how all these pieces on the ground can be rearranged and He can see how if we will trust Him, the beauty that will be reformed from all these shards will capitvate others and allow them to see the beauty of Jesus in all our broken pieces.

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