Surrender

thankful

At the company i work for we do 1+1’s once a month.  You and the person you directly report to meet and talk over a set of questions that are intended to make you more self aware and reflect on things you are learning as a person and a leader.

I always have my husband look over these questions and give his opinions on what his answers would be if asked of him.  This month one of the questions posed was ” For what are you deeply appreciative these days?”  My husband replied Health.  I was taken back by this answer because it was profound to me.  The one thing missing in our orbit with our daughter is in fact health and yet he is deeply appreciative for it.

It was so poignant to me as we had just come from 2 weeks of learning our daughter would have yet another surgery followed by her bi-yearly ultrasounds that check for hyper portal tension, cirrohisis, cancer and so forth.  So literally the fact that Health was his first gut response was so amazing to me.

I think that is the eptiome of gratefulness and surrender.  Everytime we take our daughter to Childrens we realize how truly blessed we are.  So many families there don’t get to go home with their child, so many children will never have so many of the blessings of the health she does have.  And yet these parents we have met are some of the most grounded and grateful people we have ever met.  They have the ability to smile when all circumstances would pull you under.  I never leave Childrens not profoundly grateful.

The other thing his answer made me realize is the attitude of surrender that he exudes even when our daughter’s life is this fragile.  It’s an amazing place to arrive at, surrender.  There is nothing about our daughter’s health that we can control.  We can keep her on her medicines to act as her immune system, we can take her to all her specialists but nothing she has is curable we literally wait for something to fail before we can proceed.  So in essence you either learn to surrender or you crumble under fear and what if’s.   I have done both in this journey.  I have moments of sheer unexplainable faith and I have moments in fetal postions where I can’t understand why. As the parent you feel such an immense duty to protect this life that we love.  But the love we feel for her could never outweigh the love Jesus has for her.  I literally have to constantly surrender to that fact.  I could never love her more than Him, I could never protect her better and the health that she does have is such a gift.   To realize that her health journey is truly a gift of learning to rely on Him and trust that His path is the very best path for her and better yet all the lives she will change for the better.  Had she had the oppurtunity for perfect health we would have missed out on so many remarkable blessings.  So many moments of love.  We would not be the people we are today.  Had she been given perfect health we would have missed out on a perfect journey, one we would never have asked for but one that has blessed us in ways we could never explain.

And so my husband was so profoundly correct.  We are so appreciative of her health.  I think half the battle is learning to be grateful for what you do have and letting go of what you deem missing.  Life is so much better this way.

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