i haven’t written much this week because it was a ” full” to say the least week, and i didn’t have a lot to say…or what i did…i couldn’t really put into words.
if i publish this post tonight it will definitely be one of incomplete thoughts and lots of rambling…
this week i have reached out to several friends who are just going through straight up “crap” in life…most if not all of us have been there…but i must say it is easier for me to go through it than to watch my friends ….
what to say..how to help…how to not help…the heart just grieves for the ones who are walking through a battle…but what i know through walking through many of my own personally, is you can not walk them alone. well you can….but it will be much more painful and the chances of getting through successfully become less plausible
the place of worship i attend has a saying that circles are better than rows…and i whole heartedly agree…you can’t do life in a row of people but if you all circle up and get to know each other and share life together …there is where success come…but i like what glennon doyle says even more she says we need to make horseshoes….so that we can keep letting people in.
i like what hannah brencher says in her book ” come matter here” about community and belonging…she writes..”Turns out that belonging is a process you get to be a part of, a series of active steps that build you into someone better. Step one” go to the door and let people in”….she goes onto say one of my favorite parts and where i find myself this week…she writes .
” I don’t understand why God allows the suffering, but i know he sends people into the dark to do the holding and the talking and the tea making on his behalf. And once you suffer through the darkness and come out on the other side, you learn that one day the most important role you’ll ever get to play is when its your turn to hold someone, listen to them, and make them tea. It will be one of the most unseen roles you’ve ever assumed and there will be no way to glorify it or call attention to it with a selfie. The role will be quiet and messy. The role will be weird and a little disjointed. You’ll see sides of your family and friends you never hoped to see. You will know weakness in a new way. ”
That’s what it feels like when you have no idea how to be there for a hurting friend..or for me it does…i feel weak in my ability…and so all i know to do is show up or write a note or make them tea, sit with them and not even talk…but just allow them to know you aren’t alone and im not going anywhere..we will get through this darkness….
most of my friends are not ” religious” people…i know ” shocker”….i try to steer clear of that mind frame all togheter…..i have found that “religious” people have very little room for grace…or other people’s opinions…or faults…or lifestyles….its always my true “friends” those of faith or not of faith who i want when the darkness comes…people of faith or not of faith who have had to walk a journey that has made them who they are today..these.people are always ones of grace compassion mercy understanding…people who can and will go the distance with you…….these are the people i cling to when i need community,…..i don’t need perfect people..or someone who has all the answers…i just need a ” soul” to stay with me in the dark until we at least see a star…
that is what i am trying to remind myself this week as i feel so inadequate to help my friends…i am trying to remind myself of what it is i have needed in the dark and then go be that to them